Busy Families Work Together
Is it just me or is anyone out there embarrassed because they cannot get it ALL done? Here’s some examples of what I’m talking about: I should have time to wash up, remember to change bedding & clean under things. I should know when the dog needs his next boosters & when the car needs an MOT. It happens all the time where text reminders from the dentist are the only way I will turn up. I don’t know about you, it’s not that I set out to let “I SHOULD I SHOULD I SHOULD” rule the way I live, I Just find the feeling of ‘SHOULD’ bothering me!
Not only that, why did no one warn me my house would be messier now I have teens than when I had little kids? Even though I know there are simple reasons; I work more hours, we use every inch of our house, use every item in it (repeatedly) plus did I mention everything got huger, wetter and smellier these days!?! I find myself setting ridiculously high goals for what is a 'good mum’. If I am honest I can pinpoint where my urge to do everything comes from. I was thrown into family duties at a very young age and I have to admit I resented it. I even recall purposefully doing a bad job & at times wasn't the best of big sisters. But I learnt a big lesson, for families to thrive we all have to contribute.
BUT The truth is God never designed us to BE everything. That’s HIS job. We find more peace by embracing our unique life path, discovering our purpose, using our spiritual gifts to the max and the good news is there is no RUSH- we get to spend our lives perfecting it all. In reality, there is no-such thing as a ‘conventional & perfect family' & no ‘one’ way is best. When I became a mum, I followed the rule book & subconsciously set myself a target of ‘being the best’. I devoured parenting magazines. It was exhausting! Thanks to God’s guidance & examples of other believers I eventually hit a stride, relaxed into being myself. In my private prayers I would often get a sense that Holy Spirit was coaching me and saying ‘Clare the goal isn't perfection, the goal is collaboration’
Collaboration is how God works and when we collaborate we mirror the Trinity, Father, Son & Spirit. Three parts of the Godhead, working in harmony but with unique roles and responsibilities. A common goal gives us a meaningful reason to work together, it mutually benefits everyone, where every player feels like they have an equal place to contribute & communicate.
I think you know what's coming…
I could respond to Holy Spirits gentle nudge or carry on regardless
This became my new mantra 'Busy families work together’.
We have worked out what we do best & share the household. Interestingly I found sometimes gender defined roles work and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I DO more, sometimes my husband DOES more. And most importantly WE include our kids, they have superb transferable skills.
If they can build a den - then they can take the rubbish out,
Work a console - operate a washing machine
If they can make potions in the bath, they can do the washing up.
Although, I do often put finishing touches around the place - because I love to make home special & actually clean!
The goal is also connection & if we over busy ourselves with small things we may miss the big stuff & this makes me conscious my children don’t buy into the lies about ‘perfect parenting’ that I did. SO we occasionally have a cleaner, get shopping delivered, buy frozen mash and purchase ready to bake cakes.
It’s no longer a DREAM of mine ‘If only I had time to DO everything and BE everything'
My new DREAM is that my family are connected, collaborative & confident. You will find me doing my up most to up-skill them so they can live a healthy and purposeful life.
Family life is a crazy beautiful thing, lets unite in parenthood.